Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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