he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
