this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
