Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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