He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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