We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
