I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
