Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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