I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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