I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
