She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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