Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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