I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
