I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
