Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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