i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do herpes really smell.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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