I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
