So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
