I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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