here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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