I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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