guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
