That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
