You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
