Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
