I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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