i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
