please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
