wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
