the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
