I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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