Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
