Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
