I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
