I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
