alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
