she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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