If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
