He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
