I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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