It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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