dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
