I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
