mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
