Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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