I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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