Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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