Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
