so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
