i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
whose ass print is on the piano?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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