my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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