ya dads aren't the best wingmen
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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